Different Kinds of Families

My friend is a single mother of a fast growing 8 year old boy. He has been complaining often that all his friends have fathers who come to pick them up and take them out for various games and activities. So he keeps asking his mother, "Where is my father? Why is he is not here? I am so unfortunate. I do not have a father."

My friend did not want her son to grow up with a feeling of deprivation. Luckily, she came across a book that spoke of different kind of families. The book intended for children illustrated the idea with graphics.

There are different kind of families. Sometimes, it is children, mother and grandmother. Sometimes,it is just the father and children. Sometimes, it is mother, aunts and children. Sometimes it is a bigger family with uncles, and cousins. Sometimes, it is Uncle, father and children. There is no stereotypical family. Families come in all sizes and shapes. And they are all beautiful in their own ways. Yes, the most common kind of family is mother, father and children.

What a wonderful way to learn self acceptance!!!!

The Paradigm Shift

The doctor had just informed me that they would be putting my grandmother back on the ventilator after 36 hours of struggle and signs of improvement. I felt bitterly disappointed. I stepped out of the hospital along with my mother to digest this news over a cup of chai from the street vendor.

As we were ordering the chai, the parking guy approached us and started complaining that we had paid him Rs 10/- less the last time we had parked the car.

“This is not the time for discussion.  Come later.”

“But I want my Rs 10, “he persisted.

I lost my temper. I yelled at him. He went away. I was seething with anger. My grandmother was battling with death and all he was worried about was his Rs 10/-.

Later at night, when I had calmed down, I felt guilty for having spoken to him so rudely.

So when I saw him again, I told him, “I am sorry that I spoke to you so rudely. We had just received some really bad news about my grandmother admitted in the hospital. It was just not the time to discuss money.”

“Aah! I can understand. I am sorry. It is bad for all of us though. I work hard 20 hours a day to put together the money for the treatment of my 3 year old daughter who is suffering from cancer. She has already gone through three rounds of chemotherapy at AIIMS. Each ten rupee is important for me.”

I was dumbstruck. It was a paradigm shift for me.

I keep getting amazed with the resilience of the human spirit. The challenges and the pain that we deal with willingly and happily!

Finding my Spirituality

I feel that I have lived a tough life with a difficult childhood. So when I found myself caught in the arguments between my atheist boyfriend of seven years and my fanatically religious Muslim mother on the other side, the only questions that kept popping up on my mind were, "Why God?  Why did you have to do this to me? Have I not suffered enough already? Do I not deserve happiness and love?'

We had to break up the relationship since we could not agree on the details of the marriage ceremonies to be performed. It took me more than a year and a half to get over that break-up.

But today when I look back in retrospect, I understand the scheme of things better. I understand the Universe's design better. It was only when I was caught up in this  really stressful space between these two extreme ideologies in an extreme situation that I started thinking deep about my own beliefs. While my boyfriend kept recommending Richard Dawkins, Sam  and other atheist writers to me, my mother kept repeating the staple of  religious stories and mantras that I had grown on. Somewhere in between thoughts of suicide, there were some thoughts of sanity that settled in.

I gradually began to form an idea of my own spirituality which was neither imposed on me by my socio-cultural background nor the new age society that I now belonged to. It was a space that I felt comfortable in.

Today, I have a firm belief in my own ideas and beliefs. And it is thanks to that metaphorical struggle between my mother and my boyfriend that I am my own person today.

More from Creative Junkyard

Putting Old T-Shirts from Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand and friends to good use

The Start of the Creative Junkyard - Painting it Pink

The End of the Relationship

The Tale of Gujjar Women

Last year, I moved into a house on MG Road. My landlord here is a Gujjar. He is married with four kids – two sons and two daughters. The daughters aged 23 and 21 years are married with kids. The two sons are aged 16 and 13.

Sometime back, his wife came over to have a general tee-a-tee with me over a cup of tea. For some time, I had been wondering about her age as she looked quite young to me, and I would always hesitate in calling her Aunty. I would wonder to myself as to how could a woman with four grown up children , and grandchildren look so youthful. I asked her the question that day.

Her answer was simple, “ My husband was married to my elder sister. She died in childbirth, while giving birth to her third child, a son. I was 15 years old at that time. I was asked to marry my brother-in-law. What choice did I have? Anyways, he is good to me. The children love me, and I love them too. Please continue to call me Aunty, as it would hurt my husband if you call him Uncle and me by my name.” ( My landlady is younger than I am)

Three days back, I saw my landlord sitting on a chair in his garden looking mournful. Upon inquiring, he replied, “ Bad things have happened to us Beta. My brother-in-law’s daughter has become a widow. Her husband died in a car accident outside his house. She has two daughters and a three month old son. What will happen to her. She is just 24 years old. Widows do not remarry in our caste. She will have to lead an austere life from now on. No new clothes or jewelry for her anymore. She cannot laugh openly nor be seen entertaining herself else society will cast shadows on her character. Her life is gone.” And he started sobbing.