The Sutta Diaries

My struggle to Quit Smoking

It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics - Anonymous

My love affair with cigarettes began several years back while on a trek with some friends . The first puffs were a disaster with me ending in a coughing bout . It took a little practice before I could exude the confidence of the chic, liberated female smoker who understands well how to hold the banal cigarette between her lips, inhale the smoke with a deep breath and then exhale it through the nostrils in a perfect orchestrated fashion . It was a feeling of great empowerment and liberation. 

Ten years later, I am struggling with trying to quit smoking. The doctor has informed me that I suffer from mild bronchitis and that every cigarette for me is equivalent to four cigarettes. My teeth are badly stained. I am full of fears. I am scared that I might end up contracting a deadly disease like cancer or that I might just die of a sudden heart attack. Or that I might just forget a lit cigarette around in the house at night resulting in me peacefully burning to ashes in my sleep.

Hence, time and again I have tried to make a commitment to myself – to try to quit smoking. And I have tried hard. 

One of the first motivations to quit smoking was to escape the bone chilling feeling of getting my teeth cleaned. It made me decide that I would not get my teeth cleaned again till I quit smoking. I thought the desperation of living with bad teeth would eventually be a motivating force powerful enough to make me quit smoking. Well, I was wrong.  I find myself in the position of having to cover my mouth with my hand while conversing with people and later on rushing to do my smoking Pranayama exercises.

Few months back, I made up my mind to quit smoking again. I decided to take the help of the wonder drug – the Nicotine gum. Hallelujah!  It worked – for a day. On the second day, I found myself enjoying a double dose of Nicotine – from the Nicotine gum as well as the cigarettes. 

 I am not a quitter. Last week I decided to give it another shot. I managed to trim down my consumption to two cigarettes a day. Every morning, I would send the maid ( who comes to clean the house) to buy one cigarette for me. After three days, she got tired . She suggested  buying a larger quantity together and hiding them inside the house. I advised her against it, educating her about my dog-nose for smokes. She refused to believe me and ignored my good advice. As was expected, I played detective and after 15 minutes of the treasure hunt found the cigarette pack neatly buried inside the rice sack in the kitchen. Luckily, she had bought only five cigarettes. The next morning, she was shocked to find them gone. I had the look of, “I told you so” on my face. 

Being a persevering person, she decided to give it another try. The next day, I discovered the cigarettes lying under the pile of old newspapers in the lobby. She gave up on the third day.

Last year, my grandmother made several big bottles of my favorite Namkeen mix for me. As she put one on my bedside, she urged me to use it as a substitute for cigarettes. I ended up smoking and putting on weight.

Two years back,  I came across an advertisement in the newspaper– “Hypnosis for Quitting Smoking”. I went for the treatment for three days in a row. For the three days, I was very hopeful, and on the fourth day , I was smoking double the usual. On a friend’s advice, I even attended a 12 step support group for quitting nicotine. The group shut down after few months due to limited membership.

I have even tried herbal stuff like St John’s wart and calming tea. My mom bought me a book  filled with ghastly images of people suffering from various kinds of diseases contracted due to smoking. I just made felt sad for these people. 

I have spent days on introspective writing , putting down things like “Why I want to quit smoking” and “Quit Smoking plans and timetables”. I thought if I had the motives and plans in place, everything else would be simple.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of smoking.

I seem to have tried everything under the Sun to kick this disgusting habit. Any new ideas and suggestions are welcome.

Moral of the Story :  Do not pick up that first smoke; it ain’t cool !!!