I feel that I have lived a tough life with a difficult childhood. So when I found myself caught in the arguments between my atheist boyfriend of seven years and my fanatically religious Muslim mother on the other side, the only questions that kept popping up on my mind were, "Why God? Why did you have to do this to me? Have I not suffered enough already? Do I not deserve happiness and love?'
We had to break up the relationship since we could not agree on the details of the marriage ceremonies to be performed. It took me more than a year and a half to get over that break-up.
But today when I look back in retrospect, I understand the scheme of things better. I understand the Universe's design better. It was only when I was caught up in this really stressful space between these two extreme ideologies in an extreme situation that I started thinking deep about my own beliefs. While my boyfriend kept recommending Richard Dawkins, Sam and other atheist writers to me, my mother kept repeating the staple of religious stories and mantras that I had grown on. Somewhere in between thoughts of suicide, there were some thoughts of sanity that settled in.
I gradually began to form an idea of my own spirituality which was neither imposed on me by my socio-cultural background nor the new age society that I now belonged to. It was a space that I felt comfortable in.
Today, I have a firm belief in my own ideas and beliefs. And it is thanks to that metaphorical struggle between my mother and my boyfriend that I am my own person today.
We had to break up the relationship since we could not agree on the details of the marriage ceremonies to be performed. It took me more than a year and a half to get over that break-up.
But today when I look back in retrospect, I understand the scheme of things better. I understand the Universe's design better. It was only when I was caught up in this really stressful space between these two extreme ideologies in an extreme situation that I started thinking deep about my own beliefs. While my boyfriend kept recommending Richard Dawkins, Sam and other atheist writers to me, my mother kept repeating the staple of religious stories and mantras that I had grown on. Somewhere in between thoughts of suicide, there were some thoughts of sanity that settled in.
I gradually began to form an idea of my own spirituality which was neither imposed on me by my socio-cultural background nor the new age society that I now belonged to. It was a space that I felt comfortable in.
Today, I have a firm belief in my own ideas and beliefs. And it is thanks to that metaphorical struggle between my mother and my boyfriend that I am my own person today.
