Jung asked me to talk to my belly and my emptiness. I did. I spoke to my belly. What emerged was me at 3 years of age. I asked her what are you doing in the belly. She expanded and filled up my body and then shrunk back again. I asked her again. She said to me, " Pearl I am lonely and scared."
I said to her, 'But why are you always wanting to ingest something. All day, I am putting something in my mouth."
"Because I am lonely and scared."
"My sweetheart why? Everyone loves you so much."
"No no one loves me. Tathi has died. Papa and Mama are embroiled in their own adult affairs. Even Boba is caught in her struggles. "
"I am so sorry sweetheart."
"Everyone was so busy, Whenever I went to Mama or Papa, they gave me an ice-cream or something else to eat. So did Nani. They all wanted me distracted so they didn't have to give me attention."
"And you are doing the same to me Pearl. Each time, I am feeling lonely or scared, you buy an ice-cream or give me some chai or smokes. Isn't it Pearl?"
"Oh my God. I am so sorry little one. I am so sorry."
"I also don't want to ingest so much stuff. For me too, it has become a habit. But between the two of us you are the more purer, stronger and wiser one. Guide me. Show me the way. Tell me what to do and how to respond when I feel the urge. Tell me. You are the one who can save me. Little One you are my Guardian Angel."
"Little one help me, save me. Help me listen to and heed to your advice. I have missed you so much sweetheart."
Then I had another conversation. This one was with the emptiness. It was hiding inside my chest. It had the form of big rock. I jumped inside the rock. It was dark except for one small ray of hope, which was coming from the small hole from where I jumped. Inside were caves, caverns and water bodies. I even saw a peacock. And then my emptiness spoke to me, "Welcome Pearl. It has been long since you have visited me."
"What is this place and who are you?"
'I am the storehouse of all the repressed anger, hate and resentments that you ahve dumped into me. Come I will take you on a tour. But let me keep you forewarned that I am quite vast."
I was surprised to see all the caverns, alleys , underground water bodies. I even took a splash inside a crystal clear green lake. There were beautiful gardens. And the the most horrifying and wonderful thing happened. There was this white angel and a small fairy and a slightly bigger fairy than her. The small fairies held my hand while the adult fairy accompanied us.
And then the adult fairy told me that the little fairies were my lost unborn daughters. Oh my God, my heart burst
And she told me great writers visited this place often . Even J K Rowling had written her books under the roof of emptiness. There was no greater space for inspiration.
The emptiness angel told me I must come and spend time with her and loneliness and there would be many beautiful sights and answers for me.
Something is happening within me. Some major integration. I can feel it.
I said to her, 'But why are you always wanting to ingest something. All day, I am putting something in my mouth."
"Because I am lonely and scared."
"My sweetheart why? Everyone loves you so much."
"No no one loves me. Tathi has died. Papa and Mama are embroiled in their own adult affairs. Even Boba is caught in her struggles. "
"I am so sorry sweetheart."
"Everyone was so busy, Whenever I went to Mama or Papa, they gave me an ice-cream or something else to eat. So did Nani. They all wanted me distracted so they didn't have to give me attention."
"And you are doing the same to me Pearl. Each time, I am feeling lonely or scared, you buy an ice-cream or give me some chai or smokes. Isn't it Pearl?"
"Oh my God. I am so sorry little one. I am so sorry."
"I also don't want to ingest so much stuff. For me too, it has become a habit. But between the two of us you are the more purer, stronger and wiser one. Guide me. Show me the way. Tell me what to do and how to respond when I feel the urge. Tell me. You are the one who can save me. Little One you are my Guardian Angel."
"Little one help me, save me. Help me listen to and heed to your advice. I have missed you so much sweetheart."
Then I had another conversation. This one was with the emptiness. It was hiding inside my chest. It had the form of big rock. I jumped inside the rock. It was dark except for one small ray of hope, which was coming from the small hole from where I jumped. Inside were caves, caverns and water bodies. I even saw a peacock. And then my emptiness spoke to me, "Welcome Pearl. It has been long since you have visited me."
"What is this place and who are you?"
'I am the storehouse of all the repressed anger, hate and resentments that you ahve dumped into me. Come I will take you on a tour. But let me keep you forewarned that I am quite vast."
I was surprised to see all the caverns, alleys , underground water bodies. I even took a splash inside a crystal clear green lake. There were beautiful gardens. And the the most horrifying and wonderful thing happened. There was this white angel and a small fairy and a slightly bigger fairy than her. The small fairies held my hand while the adult fairy accompanied us.
And then the adult fairy told me that the little fairies were my lost unborn daughters. Oh my God, my heart burst
And she told me great writers visited this place often . Even J K Rowling had written her books under the roof of emptiness. There was no greater space for inspiration.
The emptiness angel told me I must come and spend time with her and loneliness and there would be many beautiful sights and answers for me.
Something is happening within me. Some major integration. I can feel it.
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